I Eat My Feelings. Nom,nom?

Forever now, that phrase has been my go to, my excuse.

"I eat my feelings!"

It's usually followed by a tummy pat and a giggle, or maybe an eye roll. I truly internalized this. I believed it with all my heart. Food was my go to for every occasion....or should I say emotion??

Scared? Cookies.
Worried? Pasta.
Depressed? Chocolate?
Angry? Cheese and...anything.

Then I started reading a book. It was an online study but I just decided to read it myself, maybe read comments. She asked if she could ask a raw question.

She said:

I had to get honest enough to admit it that I relied on food more than I relied on God. I craved food more than I craved God. Chocolate was my comfort and deliverer. Cookies were my reward. Salty chips were my joy. Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness, and even in times of happiness.  (Made to Crave, Lisa Terkeurst)

She went on:

May I ask you this same question? Is it possible we love and rely on food more that we love and rely on God? 

Let me think on this.

"Uh, no. I simply eat my feelings. I eat when I'm sad,scared,worried,or maybe even angry."

(Internal whisper...you know the one) " Do you pray?"

My answer was yes. I do pray. Do I pray instead of eating??? OH!!! Hmm, well....
Do I turn to food or God first? In those moments, do I turn to God, period?
It's hard to when you're focused on heating up that pasta bowl....hahaha...cough,cough.

Open and raw...yes. I do turn to food more, first, mostly.
I rely on food more than Jesus.
I look to food to comfort me more than God which simply put says, " I trust food. I have more faith in food."

Ouch.

I truly want to be healthy. I want to be better as a whole. I don't want to be numbers on a scale or on a pair of jeans. I want to be healthy in my mind, body, spirit, and soul. First step is not a diet. It's not a pill.

It's putting God back where He goes.  First.

Scared? Pray.
Worried?Pray.
Depressed?pray.
Angry?pray.

I will call upon your name...
Keep my eyes above the waves...
(Oceans,United)