Craving Christ....not cookies

"God made us capable of craving so that we’d have an unquenchable desire for more of Him, and Him alone. Nothing changes until we make the choice to redirect our misguided cravings to the only One capable of satisfying them. " 

Ephesians 1:17 says 
that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him.(ASV)

I have felt guilt for a long time about my cravings, my go to's. They frustrated me to the point of tears, intense anger, and a lot of failed attempts at diets. I tried over and over to squash feelings of cravings. I tried to ignore them, deny them, to deprive myself in every way of the feelings of cravings. I linked them with bad things, failure, and weakness. 

It is weakness. But not the kind I was thinking.

I've read that first paragraph many times. Many. A lot. Did she say God made me capable of cravings? Hold on a second. My brain is whirling.

Cravings aren't bad? The fact I have cravings is normal?

Somewhere my cravings got really misguided. Why? When? At some point I let my flesh crave food instead of God. Was it that food was tangible? When did this happen? What lies did I completely fall for to allow this shift? What about food is so comforting and why did I not find that in Jesus?

I need a lot of wisdom. I am thankful for the wisdom I have received so far. Made to crave....that is such a crazy notion to me. It wasn't the craving...huh.

Replacing cookies with Christ...
Sweet.

I Eat My Feelings. Nom,nom?

Forever now, that phrase has been my go to, my excuse.

"I eat my feelings!"

It's usually followed by a tummy pat and a giggle, or maybe an eye roll. I truly internalized this. I believed it with all my heart. Food was my go to for every occasion....or should I say emotion??

Scared? Cookies.
Worried? Pasta.
Depressed? Chocolate?
Angry? Cheese and...anything.

Then I started reading a book. It was an online study but I just decided to read it myself, maybe read comments. She asked if she could ask a raw question.

She said:

I had to get honest enough to admit it that I relied on food more than I relied on God. I craved food more than I craved God. Chocolate was my comfort and deliverer. Cookies were my reward. Salty chips were my joy. Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness, and even in times of happiness.  (Made to Crave, Lisa Terkeurst)

She went on:

May I ask you this same question? Is it possible we love and rely on food more that we love and rely on God? 

Let me think on this.

"Uh, no. I simply eat my feelings. I eat when I'm sad,scared,worried,or maybe even angry."

(Internal whisper...you know the one) " Do you pray?"

My answer was yes. I do pray. Do I pray instead of eating??? OH!!! Hmm, well....
Do I turn to food or God first? In those moments, do I turn to God, period?
It's hard to when you're focused on heating up that pasta bowl....hahaha...cough,cough.

Open and raw...yes. I do turn to food more, first, mostly.
I rely on food more than Jesus.
I look to food to comfort me more than God which simply put says, " I trust food. I have more faith in food."

Ouch.

I truly want to be healthy. I want to be better as a whole. I don't want to be numbers on a scale or on a pair of jeans. I want to be healthy in my mind, body, spirit, and soul. First step is not a diet. It's not a pill.

It's putting God back where He goes.  First.

Scared? Pray.
Worried?Pray.
Depressed?pray.
Angry?pray.

I will call upon your name...
Keep my eyes above the waves...
(Oceans,United)